Planning my funeral
I found myself saying, “if I die…” Holly caught my eye and gave a wry smile; I’d fallen into language of uncertainty in the one event that is certain. Our meeting was to plan my funeral and it was scheduled after I’d interviewed Holly, a holistic funeral director, for a podcast. I’d been so impressed with what I had learned through our discussion and it felt right to tackle this next stage of my Advance Care Planning.
When I interviewed Holly, I was struck by the care and compassion she gives to every family. Learning the choices we have was enlightening and I felt Holly’s approach to care after death resonated with my professional and personal values. Immediately after the interview we arranged a day for Holly to visit to help me plan my funeral.
Background
Before I go any further, just to say I’m not expecting to need Holly’s services anytime soon. There’s no secret message hidden in this blog other than the truth there is for us all; dying is a reality none of us escape. I am a proud Advocate for Advance Care Planning and on a mission to normalise the Important Conversations we all should have. I aim to support these goals through the education I deliver and by sharing the steps I’m taking to plan ahead. I consider myself pretty average, in my 50s and, as far as I know, lucky enough not to have any significant health conditions.
People often associate Advance Care Planning with something that only applies to later life, dying, or with a serious health condition. Whist some Advance Care Planning is specifically appropriate to the later stages of life, much of it can be considered standard and things for us all to think about.
What I have done so far feels appropriate and are steps I would offer as suggestions to think about as basic planning Advance Care Planning.
My Advance Care Planning consists of:
• Joining the Organ Donor Register (and telling the people who need to know my wishes)
• Making a will
• Drafting and registering my Lasting Power of Attorney for both Health and Welfare and property and Finance
• Making my ADRT and registering this with my GP
• Making a Digital Legacy to ensure my website can be maintained after my death
Next on the list was funeral planning. I have heard too often people say they just didn’t know what to do after a loved one’s death, and seen the stress and anxiety this caused. I want to help my family by sorting out now what matters to me rather than leave them with uncertainty.
Meeting and planning with Holly
We met at my house which felt appropriate. I felt Holly understood me better for seeing where I live and what fills my house; family pictures, travel books, professional books and pets help to encapsulate What Matters to Me and were all there for Holly to see. Home is special for me, a place where both my children were born and where I feel peace and security.
Holly led the discussion, gently steering me through choices and options. A big part of our conversation was how different members of my family would potentially need support. I’ve always been the carer giver figure in the family and it’s important to me to know I can care for the people in the best way possible, even after my death.
Holly describes her work:
“I support people to explore their choices and create an end of life plan, rather like a birthing plan it provides a map for those caring for the dying person on how they would like to be treated in their final months, weeks, days and hours of life. Most people are completely unaware of the options available to them which is why the work you do Clare is so vital. I also support people through the dying phase, emotionally supporting and guiding both them and their family through this often scary time all the way through to creating a beautiful funeral”
We talked about venues, words, legacy, pictures, songs and meaning. The burial or cremation question was explored with so many more options than this rather stark binary sounding question sounds. The decisions made ware a guide rather than a formal blueprint; I’m not setting things so rigidly that my family feel a failure if it’s not done to the letter. Feeling you have to sort something out completely can be overwhelming, so much so that it’s just easier to put it off. What I have learned is I can make a start on something as final sounding as a funeral plan without pressure to have the complete plan.
Over time, and as my situation changes, I can revisit this but for now I have a plan for just in case, thank you Holly.
Find out how I can support you with Advance Care Planning